When your Boom Boom Busts - Painful Sex after Menopause

Remember the days when you couldn’t keep your hands off your partner? Remember slow dancing or going to the drive-in? Let’s face it! These (and most other pastimes, let’s be real) were just foreplay for the coming attraction. And Oh! That coming attraction when it came!

Photo by  Jrosenberry1

Photo by Jrosenberry1

Jump forward. How often do you get very busy, or headachy, or shockingly exhausted right before bedtime? How far will you go to avoid those beautiful warm-up activities because you're afraid of what follows? If you’re relating to any of this, you are not alone! It’s truly difficult to kick into overdrive when you know it’s going to hurt like heck!

According to The North American Menopause Society, between 17% and 45% of post-menopausal women experience pain during sex. This pain can cause anything from a slight annoyance to a ripping sensation so extreme that women avoid sex all together. In addition, the fear of pain can lower the already fading libido that comes with lower estrogen levels.

So what’s a once hot boomer momma to do? Here is a list of 5 things you might consider to keep your frolicking from fizzling.




1. Lube, lube lube! - Vaginal dryness is a primary reason for pain during penetration. Experiment with different lubricants, and see if you can find one (or more) that works for you and your partner. There are different products, each with it’s own list of pros and cons, so read up at Best Lube Finder, and let the games begin! Note: Lubes are different from moisturizers (like Replens). Lubes come into play when the action begins. Moisturizers are used daily, much like facial moisturizers, to treat the tissue and ensure daily comfort. Why not try both?

Photo by  Ian MacKenzie

Photo by Ian MacKenzie

2. Foreplay for sure! - I know I said we’re avoiding foreplay for fear of what comes next. But ladies, we need to get into the sweet, sweet pre-event activities and let them do what they’re meant to do -- help our bodies get ready. The time before sex absolutely sets not only the mood, but the biological terrain as well. With the right lead-up, blood flows to all those sensitive bits, enabling them to do what they need to do. (For more detailed info, check out WebMD.) This warm-up phase also gives our minds and bodies the time we need to fully engage in the Boom Boom part. So, talk with your partner. If you’ve been avoiding anything that might lead to making love, he or she may have given up. Make it known that you’re ready to get back in the game!


3. Exercise - Inside and out! -  I know. I know. I know! The dreaded E word! But you wanna get the house a rockin’ again don’t you? (Thanks Stevie Ray Vaughan for the best metaphor EVER!) Well, in this case, No Pain...Lots of pain! Doing daily Kegel exercises will help strengthen your pelvic floor, which keeps all your inner parts where they’re supposed to be, lessening pain during sex. Doing those pelvic push-ups  will also help with problems of incontinence. And if that wasn’t enough, it will probably make orgasms stronger. Now, how many of you are already rolling out the yoga mats? For more details on Kegels and how to do them, check out this Cosmopolitan article.

I just bought a set of kegel weights and will be reviewing them in an upcoming post. Check back soon for a report on my experience.


4. Talk to your doctor - Yes, it’s embarrassing, and if you’re like me, you probably don’t want to hear what she has to say. At this point, many women have heard about the health risks of hormone replacement therapy and have decided the benefit doesn't match the potential consequences. But, there are several different options for hormone treatment that you should be aware of. This is a crucial discussion that could change your sex life. At least become informed. The choice you make is up to you!


5. Now for the good one...Go get laid! - Ya, I said it. It really comes down to the old “Use it or lose it” philosophy. If you don’t work out, your muscles get flabby. If you don’t make sweet, sweet love (or engage in down and dirty sex if that’s more your style), you'll find that your body kind of shuts down...less vaginal fluid, less muscle control, more pain. What’s a girl to do? It’s kind of necessary, right? So, find your partner and grab some lube, and go rock the world!

Sunday, June 2 2019 from 6 to 8 in the evening.33 Tailwater St. Manitowoc, WI 54220-2.jpg